Monday, October 06, 2003
I'm 7 weeks. Hospitals, ER visits... insanity. Bleeding last night. Thought maybe miscarriage, but the bleeding stopped and I'm still puking right along. I haven't eaten food now in 11 days. Still not drinking. Still on home IVs. Losing weight (8 pounds so far). If I can't eat soon, if I lose 14 more pounds, I will have to go on a PICC line. This will be fed into a vein in my elbow, threaded up this vein, up around my shoulder and down into my chest about 2" from my heart. This will drip feeding solution into my bloodstream and keep me and the baby from starving to death. It can cause serious problems, so I'm not looking forward to it, but I do have to try and survive.
Ptyalism is here for the first time. I can't swallow my own spit or I vomit. I have to spit my spit in a cup all day long. The joy of laying in a bed, vomiting while peeing and pooping on yourself (I puke that hard) all while collecting a big cup of smelly viscid spit... All pregnant women envy me.
Can't write more now. Feeling too bad.
Ptyalism is here for the first time. I can't swallow my own spit or I vomit. I have to spit my spit in a cup all day long. The joy of laying in a bed, vomiting while peeing and pooping on yourself (I puke that hard) all while collecting a big cup of smelly viscid spit... All pregnant women envy me.
Can't write more now. Feeling too bad.
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
I have been in the hospital. I just got back yesterday. I tried to get online and write an entry but I was puking as I was typing so had to go. Yesterday I vomited on over 40 different occasions. Well, actually, the dry heaves happened on more than 30 different occasions, and I vomited up bile approximately 8 times throughout the day. Now, I'm not counting individual heaves here, but pukes. In other words, I vomited every 8 minutes. It pains me to admit this, but I was ready to abort. Can you believe it? ME. This illness is unbelievable. I know I must fight. Sometimes I'm too weak and others have to save me (and my baby) from myself.
I am only six weeks. I am on home IVs, and my first vein has already blown. I haven't eaten any type of solid in 5 days and have not had even 4 glasses of fluid to drink in 4 days. I have never been this sick this soon.
I can't sleep. I have had 11 hours of sleep in the last 72 hours. Nights are the worst. I am begging to abort at night. I am begging, can you believe it, to kill my very much wanted child. It is not something I want to do, and I MUST NOT do it. Even in my desperation I know how wrong it is. But sometimes that knowledge isn't enough. That doesn't make it right. And again, I must NOT do it.
Please, please pray for me; I'm in the "belly of the whale."
I am only six weeks. I am on home IVs, and my first vein has already blown. I haven't eaten any type of solid in 5 days and have not had even 4 glasses of fluid to drink in 4 days. I have never been this sick this soon.
I can't sleep. I have had 11 hours of sleep in the last 72 hours. Nights are the worst. I am begging to abort at night. I am begging, can you believe it, to kill my very much wanted child. It is not something I want to do, and I MUST NOT do it. Even in my desperation I know how wrong it is. But sometimes that knowledge isn't enough. That doesn't make it right. And again, I must NOT do it.
Please, please pray for me; I'm in the "belly of the whale."
